Scabies

I have horrible skin. In my early 20s, I got the acne of a pubescent boy who sleeps face down in a pizza box. Most makeups, soaps, lotions, etc. compound the problem.

In addition, my skin has bizarre and mysterious reactions a few times a week. Today alone, some kind of hives or rash popped up on my arm and neck. Both have disappeared, but now my forehead itches. It's not just itchy, I actually get hives that are white and red little bumps. Once in my life, I got a case of hives that broke out over my entire body, lasted for over a week, and caused me to end up in the ER because I was scratching so hard I was bleeding, but they wouldn't give me steroids because they raise your blood sugar and I'm diabetic. My whole body swelled, I was out of school for a week, and I barely slept. It was horrible, and I still don't know what caused it. About once a year I get a crazy case of hives from stress.

One time, I started to get a rash across my stomach. Because I worked in an elementary school, where gross things spread rapidly, like lice, pink eye, and ringworm, I always freak out when I think I have something like that. So, I decided to try and diagnose my rash. I determined that I might have scabies.

I didn't really. The hives went away a few hours later, but I love the sound of the word scabies.

So now, every time there is something wrong with me, by default, I say, "I think I have scabies!" The husbo and I enjoy it.

Besides never having scabies, I have also been spared lice and ring worm. The pink eye finds me almost every year that I spend in an elementary school. Since I haven't been in one with the regularity of years' past, I have avoided it so far.

Here's something that I am relieved to never have been afflicted with. I remember a friend telling me about them during lunch one school day. Needless to say, I couldn't eat or be at ease for the rest of the day. When I learned about them in biology, I felt like I might pass out. I dissected a cat and a cow's eyeball with ease, but the idea of those put me over the edge.

If I Were a Russian Circus Performer...

My name would be:

Flaming Ioann!

It sounds like filet mignon.

No?

Try it again.

See?!

Idiocracy

If we have even had one conversation, then I am sure I have emphatically lauded the movie Idiocracy to you.

You should Netflix it right now. If you don't use Netflix, or you don't believe me, it will be on Comedy Central this Sunday night at 10pm.

You're welcome.

Eh

I gave it a try, but it's just not the same. If I ever have something to write about, and I remember how to log-in, I guess this is where I'd go.

But I've got nothing.